Thursday, May 28, 2009
Gosh, darn I forgot a little detail. The one about them nailing my head in place. No wonder they want me to wash my hair twice. I promised I wouldn't move put they don't believe me. Ouch I hurt just thinking about it. So to summarize : nails in head, holes in brain, scraping, cuts in abdomen, straws up my nose, sharp pointy things in my arms, and tubes where they just don't belong. Then on top of all that....They weigh me and then let everyone know just how much I weigh! NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Well, it appears we have a winner in the tumor naming contest. This has been tough because I just didn't have feeling one way or the other on its sex. I guess brain tumors prefer to keep their sexual identity secret. Randy had a good tip however, if your tumor has no visible appendages then it's probably a girl .Good tip, Randy. Now I was originally leaning towards naming it after an evil dictator. But, since it appears benign I've settled on a extremely annoying public figure. So the grand prize goes too....Randall Osborne! with his nomination of Nancy (as in PILOSI). Having submitted the winning (and only entry) Randy gets exactly what he deserves....Nothing. But he really is a great guy, and his wife thinks he's super cute!
hold on...I did not hear about any tumor naming contest! I demand a recount! and BTW if you are set on naming it Nancy-be sure and have it impeached, i mean removed, right away...yuck.(Comment by Jackie)
Sorry Jackie, the deadline past, and could you really name a more annoying woman in America? The contest had to have short entry time; this suckers leaving in a few days.
Now on to the nitty and apparently gritty (did you ever notice how I favor the word apparently? Huh, I and only I find that interesting, must go back to something in my childhood) of the operation. Well, that little sucker is BIG! Wow, do I know how to grow'm. So it's through the nose guys! All the pain and discomfort of a nose job with NONE, I all tell you NONE of the benefits. Crap, I couldn't talk him into taking a little off the sides and tip while he was at it. Well, it seems like they stick all sorts of goodies up my nose, push their way through the bone and scrape, scrape , scrape that tumor away They hope it's a soft one, well, don't we all. apparently (see I just love that word) soft are easier to remove than the fibrous ones, I thought fiber was good for us. The FDA lied again. I know that's probably the wrong agency, but give me a break guys.
Anyway getting back to the scraping line does that remind you of the song from South Pacific? "I'm gonna scrape the tumor right outta my brain" Well I digress, then get this their going to cut a little fat out of my abdomen. Take extra I told them, LOTS of extra. You don't know how many skinny girls with brain tumors are out there. Think of the lives my abdominal fat might save. We could start the nations very first fat bank, The Kim Broussard Memorial though she's still living fat bank. They applauded my altruism but said no. I just think this whole thing is patently UNFAIR. No nose job no lippo. I guess I just have to settle for the going away gift of my tumor in one of those cool little bottles. Now why the fat you may ask. Well, apparently (I just love that word) fat is a very effective adhesive, There had to be some reason for it, just call me Elmer. So why do I need adhesives, well apparently when you put a big hole in the bone in your brain you have to plug it up. Otherwise brain fluid tends to run down your nose all day that makes applying make up very hard indeed. And there's that other thing called meningitis, I don't think that's supposed to be good. So they take that fat and plug me like a cork, and no corkage fee. Now things get really fun. While still under anesthesia, thank goodness. Then insert all sorts of things where they don't belong, just to see how I'm doing. I could have told them, LOUSEY! Then they take two twin Posturepedic mattresses (I think this is where the high cost of the surgery comes in) roll them tightly and stick them up my nose! But they put straws in them so I can breathe. These straws are strictly for nasal use and are NOT to be used again, there goes any slight savings on my grocery bill, note to self; buy more straws. And here's what's really great, they put my nose in a NOSE SLING! Boy the things you learn having major surgery! I believe they tape this sling to the bags under your eyes, just to further play up on all your beauty. I hope I get two black eyes too! Then after a coupe nights then send you home to be miserable there. They have no tolerance for whining. Not fair, not fair! Home instructions: Do not under any circumstances SNEEZE! I kid you not I am not allowed to SNEEZE for a minimum of six weeks. Not to mention nose blowing. I think I can handle to no blowing part, but no sneezing, I may not have done all that well in science but, isn't that a natural reflex? Please forward any and all suggestions on how not to sneeze. And with that I bid you achoo, I mean adieu.
hold on...I did not hear about any tumor naming contest! I demand a recount! and BTW if you are set on naming it Nancy-be sure and have it impeached, i mean removed, right away...yuck.(Comment by Jackie)
Sorry Jackie, the deadline past, and could you really name a more annoying woman in America? The contest had to have short entry time; this suckers leaving in a few days.
Now on to the nitty and apparently gritty (did you ever notice how I favor the word apparently? Huh, I and only I find that interesting, must go back to something in my childhood) of the operation. Well, that little sucker is BIG! Wow, do I know how to grow'm. So it's through the nose guys! All the pain and discomfort of a nose job with NONE, I all tell you NONE of the benefits. Crap, I couldn't talk him into taking a little off the sides and tip while he was at it. Well, it seems like they stick all sorts of goodies up my nose, push their way through the bone and scrape, scrape , scrape that tumor away They hope it's a soft one, well, don't we all. apparently (see I just love that word) soft are easier to remove than the fibrous ones, I thought fiber was good for us. The FDA lied again. I know that's probably the wrong agency, but give me a break guys.
Anyway getting back to the scraping line does that remind you of the song from South Pacific? "I'm gonna scrape the tumor right outta my brain" Well I digress, then get this their going to cut a little fat out of my abdomen. Take extra I told them, LOTS of extra. You don't know how many skinny girls with brain tumors are out there. Think of the lives my abdominal fat might save. We could start the nations very first fat bank, The Kim Broussard Memorial though she's still living fat bank. They applauded my altruism but said no. I just think this whole thing is patently UNFAIR. No nose job no lippo. I guess I just have to settle for the going away gift of my tumor in one of those cool little bottles. Now why the fat you may ask. Well, apparently (I just love that word) fat is a very effective adhesive, There had to be some reason for it, just call me Elmer. So why do I need adhesives, well apparently when you put a big hole in the bone in your brain you have to plug it up. Otherwise brain fluid tends to run down your nose all day that makes applying make up very hard indeed. And there's that other thing called meningitis, I don't think that's supposed to be good. So they take that fat and plug me like a cork, and no corkage fee. Now things get really fun. While still under anesthesia, thank goodness. Then insert all sorts of things where they don't belong, just to see how I'm doing. I could have told them, LOUSEY! Then they take two twin Posturepedic mattresses (I think this is where the high cost of the surgery comes in) roll them tightly and stick them up my nose! But they put straws in them so I can breathe. These straws are strictly for nasal use and are NOT to be used again, there goes any slight savings on my grocery bill, note to self; buy more straws. And here's what's really great, they put my nose in a NOSE SLING! Boy the things you learn having major surgery! I believe they tape this sling to the bags under your eyes, just to further play up on all your beauty. I hope I get two black eyes too! Then after a coupe nights then send you home to be miserable there. They have no tolerance for whining. Not fair, not fair! Home instructions: Do not under any circumstances SNEEZE! I kid you not I am not allowed to SNEEZE for a minimum of six weeks. Not to mention nose blowing. I think I can handle to no blowing part, but no sneezing, I may not have done all that well in science but, isn't that a natural reflex? Please forward any and all suggestions on how not to sneeze. And with that I bid you achoo, I mean adieu.
Well tomorrow’s the big day, no I guess the day of the surgery is the big day. So o.k. tomorrow’s the medium day. I see Dr. Efron for the first time and see what little goodies he has planned for me. First we'll discuss the unnamed tumor but, I may have a name for him by then. Then I’ll ask a will I live? Oh I do so hope he says yes! Then down to the nitty gritty of the surgery it's self
I just knew you'd want to know all the details, especially all you House fans. From what I've read they either go right through your nose. Probably I won't have anymore trouble with my sinuses after that one. I'll ask him to take a little off the sides, make my nose look a little thinner you know. Another fun way is to go through your mouth, they split your gums and go right up and pull that little bugger out.
Well after looking at the picture of me, (which I had nothing to do with, Terry or Liz!) it look like they should take some off the end too. Please I'm talking the nose, not gums! I think I'll request tooth whitening and a LOT or morphine! Morphine good, pain bad. They said the least painful, though used less often (we don't want to miss out on any pain now do we) is through the eyebrow. The just cut right through the brow. So instead of two brows I get three. Which is actually a very good thing because you never know when you might need an extra eyebrow and then you have to run out in the middle of the night to an all night eyebrow store. Unless you’re me that is. And just think how attractive that will be no ordinary unibrow, but an UNDERBROW!
Taylor, my wickedly funny and sometimes just wicked son told me that that was a Very low brow joke. What can you do there's all ways a critic in the house
I just knew you'd want to know all the details, especially all you House fans. From what I've read they either go right through your nose. Probably I won't have anymore trouble with my sinuses after that one. I'll ask him to take a little off the sides, make my nose look a little thinner you know. Another fun way is to go through your mouth, they split your gums and go right up and pull that little bugger out.
Well after looking at the picture of me, (which I had nothing to do with, Terry or Liz!) it look like they should take some off the end too. Please I'm talking the nose, not gums! I think I'll request tooth whitening and a LOT or morphine! Morphine good, pain bad. They said the least painful, though used less often (we don't want to miss out on any pain now do we) is through the eyebrow. The just cut right through the brow. So instead of two brows I get three. Which is actually a very good thing because you never know when you might need an extra eyebrow and then you have to run out in the middle of the night to an all night eyebrow store. Unless you’re me that is. And just think how attractive that will be no ordinary unibrow, but an UNDERBROW!
Taylor, my wickedly funny and sometimes just wicked son told me that that was a Very low brow joke. What can you do there's all ways a critic in the house
Before I blog any further, I would be remiss if I did not address an important legal issue. The below named TUMOR is the exclusive property of the author of this blog. It may not be duplicated for any cause without the written consent of the above mentioned Tumor owner. However If any of you just want to TAKE my tumor, I will immediately grant ANY and ALL requests. Contact the author if you want my Tumor for your self.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Update!
Update: My mom went back to the Dr. today (Friday) to get the complete set of test results and found out her Dr. failed to tell her she has a second mass and other abnormalities on her brain. We won't know anymore until she meets with the Neuro on Tuesday. We are hoping these are easily explained, but you can imagine the confusion. Please continue to keep our family in your prayers.
Liz
Liz
Results..
Thank you everyone for your prayers and support. Its hard on my mom, but we are so thankful that there is an answer to the crazy things that have been happening to her and that it is benign. God is so good and we are so blessed, He has totally allowed everything to run smoothly. Her test results Friday and getting the MRI Monday and today,Thursday, she gets her results and Tuesday she sees the neurologist, when most people have to wait weeks or months to get their MRI scheduled and their results given to them. Please keep praying for my mom and my family as we journey through this.
Liz
Liz
Weight Loss Techiniques by Kim...err the tumor?
FOLLOW THAT TUMOR! brain tumors can be an effective weight loss tool: 1.Get diagnosed with a brain tumor- nothing beats it as an appetite suppressant. 2. Make sure your tumor is REALLY big, that way the have to split open your gums to remove it. Nothing say dinner like a mouth full of stitches! More weight loss enchancement tumor tips to be in my yet to be published pamphlet: FATTY BRAIN-FATTY THIGHS
Speaking of weight loss; while they have scalpels, sponges,suction tubes and shovels up my mouth, can then lipo out a little of the fatty bone marrow? My family is tired of me asking "Does my brain make me look fat? Does my brain make my butt look fat in these jeans?" I've just been informed that fatty thighs are unrelated to a fatty brain.
Fashionistas : On making a fat brain look thinner; am I suppose to avoid vertical or horizontal stripes? Are large prints o.k. or should I stick to solid black?
Kim
Speaking of weight loss; while they have scalpels, sponges,suction tubes and shovels up my mouth, can then lipo out a little of the fatty bone marrow? My family is tired of me asking "Does my brain make me look fat? Does my brain make my butt look fat in these jeans?" I've just been informed that fatty thighs are unrelated to a fatty brain.
Fashionistas : On making a fat brain look thinner; am I suppose to avoid vertical or horizontal stripes? Are large prints o.k. or should I stick to solid black?
Kim
Two for Tea and Tea for Two
Update. Oops the Dr.forgot to give me the other four pages of my MRI. Had my nurse friend interpret the results for me.They forgot to tell me that I have fatty bone marrow in my brain( now come on who has fatty bone matter in their brain?) And just how do you go about losing that? I can't get it of my thighs and now I have to worry about a fatty brain, I certainly can't burn any calories by thinking right now..And oh yeah did we forget about that other part, ya know the part about the other definite abnormalities in your brain and that second large mass that enhances the large tumor?( How nice to have enhancements I bet all the other girls don't get them) .Well I guess they needed to give me something to worry about. Who knows what my Tuesday chat with the neurosurgen will reveal? Spare change, animal by products.
Kim
Kim
Rare Talent Indeed
May is brain tumor awareness month, how clever am I to get diagnoised now instead of June! I am a woman of rare talents.
The beginnings....
Well everyone I got the news yesterday that I have a brain tumor. It's about the size of my thumb and behind my pituitary gland. First signs began a year ago, but they chose not to do an MRI monday, not good. They think it's benign but won't be sure until they remove it. I know it's not a death sentence but right now it feels like one. Now anything I do that is wierd just blame on the tumor!
Kim
Kim
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